Fear and Courage

Do you ever get scared? I know I do.

Lately I've really been aware of the fact that I'm a big wuss. Yup, that's right. I'm a wuss. If something takes me just an inch out of my comfort zone, I back off. If it's something that I can't take away, I pretend like it's not there. Dealing with sticky situations is just not my forte.

I won't go into them here, but lately I've had some experiences that have really opened my eyes to the fact that I need to be more brave in life.

But How?

This past semester in my Hymns of the Restoration class, a hymn was brought to my attention that I had never really noticed before. It's hymn number 128. Check out the lyrics:

"I will not doubt, I will not fear;
God's love and strength are always near.
His promised gift helps me to find
An inner strength and peace of mind.
I give the Father willingly
My trust, my prayers, humility.
His Spirit guides; his love assures
That fear departs when faith endures."

I encourage all of you readers out there to be brave. Courage is not always easy, but "fear departs when faith endures." When life throws curve balls at you, remember that "God's love and strength are always near."

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

Good luck, everyone! I know I need it in my life right now.

Too Much Music

Well, folks. The day has come where I have reached too many songs on my playlist. Apparently I can only have a certain number of tracks.

I was fortunately able to create another playlist and add it to my blog (see the sidebar and the piece entitled "Playlist Take 2"), but because I now have two playlists I can't leave both of them on automatic start. I will leave my original playlist on automatic start, but let it be known that the possibility is out there for you to pause it and play the other list.

Though the second list is currently short, I'm sure I'll be able to find more good songs to add to it and make it sufficiently long in order to be worth the time you listen to it.

Sorry for the inconvenience of me liking too many good songs! :)

Job Hunt

Dear company,

I'm looking for a job, but I'm really tired of filling out the same information over and over again. Can't you just read the application I filled out for the last company? Better yet, can't you just hire me right now?

Thanks for understanding my non-desire to fill out any more forms with information about myself.

Sincerely,
Heidi
A.k.a. Your best future employee if you'd just hire me already.

General Conference talk

Check out this wonderful video presentation of part of Elder Holland's talk at the most recent General Conference. I love being able to hear from our inspired leaders! I also love it when YouTube is mysteriously unblocked from the campus network like it was tonight. :) Though I honestly don't use YouTube a lot, it comes in handy at times like this.

Oh, and p.s. I love this video, too.

Here's to you...

...BYU 12th Ward.

Thanks for teaching me things about life and about myself. Thanks for being my friends. Thanks for the wonderful and crazy memories. Thanks for being there when I needed someone to lean on. Thanks for understanding what it's like to need a friend during this first year of being an adult. Thanks for impacting my life forever. Thanks for being so fun. Thanks for helping my testimony grow. Thanks for being the best freshman ward anyone could ever ask for. Thanks for just being you.

Here's to you....

Lauren, me, Caroline, Cassie, (Thomas... haha), Jocelyn, Shanie


Brita and me

Taylor, Sam, Rachael, Stephanie, Hilary, me

Kyle (top.. haha), Mason, me, Ryan

Bishop Astle and me

I have many more pictures of friends that I love, but unfortunately they don't all fit on this post. (And no, if you're not on here, it doesn't mean that I don't love you! :D)

Today was the last day I will ever see a lot of these people for a long time, if ever again.

Sad, sad day.

Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood

(William Wordsworth)

Ye that through your hearts to-day
Feel the gladness of the May!
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind

Just a "little" note

Dear World,
When, upon the occasion of your gloves acquiring copious amounts of dirt, you decide to wash them, consider the material of which they are made before you decide to throw them in the dryer.
Sincerely,
A one-pair-of-gloves-short anonymous individual

Rainy Day Thoughts

This school year has flown by so quickly, and I can hardly believe I'm about to be done with my freshman year at college. Today I'm in one of those "sad to have it all be over" moods. Don't get me wrong; I certainly have my share of "when will this be over?" days, too. But as I walked through the rain to the Bookstore today, I felt that the weather matched my mood. Rainy days can sometimes be sad, but at the same time I love them because the sound of the rain is so peaceful. Also I often love the rain because it smells good, but sometimes it only brings up stinky dust in the air. Basically, I feel like I have a hard time making up my mind about whether or not I like rainy days. Today I had a hard time making up my mind about whether or not I was going to like the quickly approaching end of the semester.

On one hand I never want to leave because that means missing my friends, packing, change in general, and not seeing a lot of my guy friends for 2 years (if ever again). On the other hand, I can't wait to not be stressed about school, to see Mom and Texas again, to be able to use a nice washer, dryer, and iron, and to have a meal not at the Cannon Center.

The other day I realized I've been in Utah for quite a while. Even though it feels like hardly any time at all since I nervously moved into the dorms, I've realized the following:

• Wearing flip flops is a really weird feeling for the first few minutes.
• Putting on a short sleeved shirt makes my arms feel naked... (Okay so they are, but this is the type of naked like when you forget to wear your watch or ring one day.)
• I didn't wear a jacket or sweater the other day (when we had nice weather), and as I sat eating at the Cannon Center my back felt oddly comfortable without the jacket draped on the back of my chair like usual.
• I don't get as bothered by bad pianos anymore, because I'm so used to playing on poopy ones and those are better than nothing.
• Going up the ramp from Helaman Halls to campus is not something I dread every morning like it used to be when I'd be completely out of breath by the time I reached the top.
• I will really miss having a sink literally right next to my bed when I leave this tiny room.
• Seeing someone with facial hair makes me do a double-take because I haven't seen it for so long.
• The few times I smell cigarette smoke it smells ten times worse than I ever remembered it smelling when I was around it more often in Texas.

I suppose it's time for a change in my life since I've learned from all these adjustments. Change is good, and I always need to learn more.

but just for today i want to pretend it won't have to happen

This is my Buddy, This is my Pal.

First of all, 10 points to that movie.

The first time I saw her was at the end of our ward talent show, but it was only a teasing glimpse. My hopes were dashed.
I admit, soon after the first glimpse I forgot about her. I mean, wouldn't you block something as traumatic as a torn-apart potential friendship, too? Though, "the doctor does say you should talk about it...." (10 points, again)
I knew heaven was smiling down on me when I was reintroduced to her at Ward Wrap-Up.

But, alas. I didn't want to get my hopes of a new friendship up just to have them brutally destroyed again.

"When, what to my wondering eyes should appear," but a miniature friend who brought me great cheer.
(10 points)


Okay, so this was my prize for winning second place at the talent show. I guess Reed (my bassoon) and I did okay if we got a new friend out of the whole ordeal...



At first she just sat shyly on my window sill. Poor kid didn't know anyone but me.

Soon, she ventured out of her shell.


Now she's practically a cheer leader, she's so energetic.

"Give me a 'D!' Give me an 'O!' Give me an 'O!' Give me an 'R!' What does that spell? DOOR!"



Her older sister resides somewhere on second floor with the girls who sang a song from "Hercules." They had togas, so I'm pretty sure they were legit.
Her younger sister (Bronzy) has an abode on our very own floor, just a few rooms down. Unfortunately, I think she was going through a lot and took it out the wrong way....
When I went to visit her room, this is what I found:
Poor kid.

But, honestly? What could have been so wrong in her life that caused her to commit suicide?

My dear friend doesn't even have a name. After the accident she had to destroy her birth certificate, and hasn't decided upon a new name yet. Please send suggestions before she is forced to commit suicide, too!!

And don't forget those 10 pointers.